I don’t have the answers to life, its meaning and the universe, but one thing I do believe in is Karma. I believe in Karma and I believe in justice.
Justice has got me in trouble in the past. I feel a deep routed need for justice. I am and have always been willing to take responsibility for my own actions, even when I am wrong. ESPECIALLY when I am wrong. I am, within my power, as fair as I can be. So, when people are not fair in their actions towards me or I am blamed for something that I did not do, or called something I am not, my inner sense of justice is triggered. I feel a rise from my toes to my ankles, up to my knees, through my thighs, deep in my belly, punctuating my heartbeats, rising through my chest, up my neck, prickling my tongue and burning my mouth. “JUSTICE!” I used to proclaim it. I used to scream it. I’d tell you it wasn’t fair. I’d stamp my feet. I’d inhale too much air. I would huff and I would puff, but somehow your house would stay firmly in place. You see, justice is tricky. Justice is louder than I could ever scream yet quieter than I could ever muster. I have found that protesting my innocence doesn’t equate to proving it. I’ve found calling you out doesn’t change your behaviour. Sometimes with justice, you just have to wait.
My problem, traditionally anyway, is that I have always been loud. But I’m learning to shut my mouth and trust justice. I’ve learned that broadcasting my innocence or correcting narrative errors can be a waste of my breath to the people that don’t want to hear it. That is the most frustrating part. If you are also awaiting justice, solidarity friend. I feel you. But trust me. Or don’t. Trust justice.
Let me give you some context, but by no means is this the full end to my experiences over the past few years. Fairly recently I heard a version of a narrative about me that I not only did not agree with, but was being freely perpetuated to people that I would rather not believe that telling of me to be true, because it wasn’t…and…you know…justice. Instead of raising my voice and stamping my feet I went straight to the source, something in my adult years I would always recommend. Fool me once for thinking this would be a way to seek my justice because it wasn’t. I then found the issue was bigger than I had realized and this person had been against me for months and had actively tried to sabotage me in a very underhand and uncomfortable way. Toes. Feet. Ankles. Knees. Thighs. Belly. Heartbeat. Throat. Tongue smashing against teeth. But I kept my lips firmly shut. I realized the network ran deeper and it was my word against theirs. Aside from the people that truly love and know you, nobody cares for the just version of the story. They want the gossip. So let them have it.
In the end actions speak so much louder than words. I have realized I don’t need to use my voice to tell people that you are wrong and I am right. This is not a campaign trail I care to be on. My energy is better spent on bettering myself and my situation. I will let our actions do the talking.
When Phoebe pulled my tarot cards for the year, my ruling card for the month of March was Justice. Call it a talking point, call it indicative or call it preemptive. Call it nonsense…call it venom. Call it what you want. But here, on the last day of March, I am feeling comfortable with my relationship with justice. I have kept my lips pressed and I have plugged on. There is only one horse in my race and that is me. My eyes remain on my prize and justice has been rewarding me for my hard work.
What will become of you, the game players and the speakers of non truths? We will see. I hope you feel comfortable with your relationship with justice. The universe is powerful, and justice always prevails. To quote Beyoncé, if I may: “Always stay gracious, best revenge is your paper.” Mm…hmm.